When are Anger Issues in Children a Problem?
Temper tantrums are common in children of all ages. However, how can you tell if your child’s are just growing pains, or something more serious that could follow them into adulthood?
Parenting expert and child psychologist Dr. Michele Borba has compiled this helpful child anger management test to help you keep track of your kid’s warning signs and tackle anger issues in children.
While all children have bad days, it’s important to keep an eye out for patterns of behaviour, as well as escalation. For instance, if your son or daughter becomes unreasonably upset by minor setbacks like trouble tying their shoes, or fly off the handle when bedtime comes.
Building on the Child Anger Management Test Results
Once you’ve identified their patterns and triggers, the trick to child anger management becomes developing coping strategies or avoiding the triggers all together. For instance, if they hate team sports, it might be better to find an after-school activity that suits their personality, rather than forcing them back onto the softball diamond.
Another example is if they become agitated by you and your partner having disagreements, in the future take care to have those conversations in private or when they’re not around.
Coping Strategies for Anger Issues in Children
While avoiding triggers is helpful, it’s not the only solution to anger issues in children. It’s impossible to shelter your kids from their anger indefinitely. In those moments when the dam breaks and you have a public temper tantrum on your hand, you need to have child anger management strategies in place to help them take control of their rage.
There are many such strategies and you’ll need to find which ones best match your child. However, some common methods include deep breathing exercises, externalizing their anger through drawing, or simply talking them through it.
Remember, anger often comes from a failure to communicate. It’s important to stay calm and teach them how to explain why they’re feeling angry, so that when they’re older, they possess the right tools to diagnose and deal with their feelings, rather than retreat to outbursts.
Don’t Let Child Anger Management Issues Become Adult Anger Management Issues
One of the most important things to do when dealing with anger issues in children is managing your own temper. Even the sweetest child can be deeply frustrating to deal with during a tantrum and there are few things as shocking as the first time they say “I hate you.”
However, if you respond by shouting or using physical discipline, you’re teaching them that anger is a valid response to frustration, which is a lesson they could carry into adulthood. What’s more, such fights can damage your relationship with them for years to come.
When you do need to discipline your child, it’s important that the punishment fits the crime and that you stress that they’re losing their toys or going on time out for their own good. One day, they’ll thank you for it.
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